I’ve decided to change the name of my journal to reflect the reality of who I am. Labeling it ‘Abby’s Journal’ had a stale feel to it, as if I was just writing in an unfamiliar voice. This is my voice. I am not one of my characters, although at first it kind of felt like that. I am Abby. I have always been Abby.
I’ve started the physical work to prepare myself for transition. As I’ve stated in previous posts, it isn’t about how I look, but it wouldn’t hurt to lose about 80 – 100 pounds. Resting at 220-230 is average for my height of 6’2″, so that is my goal. Once I get rid of the beer gut and the double chin, I will feel much better and be ready for the hormones to start redistributing fat as it does in all women. My waist will narrow and my hips will widen, and I cannot wait.
My skin will also become softer and hair regrowth on my legs and chest will slow while the remaining hair on my head will grow faster. I will more than likely end up shaving my head and wearing wigs. The cost for hair transplants is the same as that of gender reassignment surgery ($17,000) and I cannot afford that.
I will definitely need to get laser surgery to remove the beard and mustache. This costs around $4,000 dollars, but I can shave in the meantime.
How am I going to pay for all of this?
By living the minimalist lifestyle I’ve come to love. I thought that buying a house and filling it with shit was what I supposed to do as an American, but it isn’t. I am supposed to pay my bills on time, work hard, and save. Saving is a pipe dream with all the work I will need done, but without a mortgage, it is possible to do both.
Salesforce is trying to fill 800 jobs in Indianapolis over the next few years. The work is in my field, so I am starting their free training online and hoping that I can secure a position before I move in July. They are also VERY trans-friendly, even adding themselves the LGBTQ registry of friendly companies in Indianapolis.
I walked for an hour today. I feel good, but my back hurts. This is because of my gut. It is disgusting like the rest of my body. However, I put the weight on which means I can take it off. It is all withing my power to do so. Like all of my problems, they are fixable by me if I put in the hard work.
I am feeling great today. There will be good days and bad days, like anyone would say.
Today was a good day.