My Journal – 5/26/2016

I love being a woman. First, I get to walk the last of my steps as who I was meant to be. Second, I get to study and understand a part of this world that has been mistreated, largely minimized, and mostly forgotten. I set out to become me, and in the end, I found the force that really moves this world.

Will I ever really be a woman? Yes, but not really. I will never know what it’s like to struggle as our beautiful, wonderful, naturally born women have. But I am a trans woman, and I am dealing with all of the ignorance and prejudice that comes with that. I welcome it. I deserve it. Why? Because for a majority of my life I lived as a man in denial who inflicted these wounds on the real movers and shakers of this world.

I bask in the death and misery that has accompanied these  icons in hopes that I can only be myself. I don’t seek equality here. Don’t misunderstand. I seek understanding and acceptance. I, with my beautiful, strong trans sisters, stand against the coming darkness that threatens to prevent us from stepping out of our houses, apartments, lofts, to experience not glory, but a simple blue sky in search of a new dress, a new pair of shoes, to pay a bill, or a yummy cheeseburger. And maybe some new makeup.

Let’s face it. This transgender hate bullshit going around is nothing more than an extension of the, as Stephen King so eloquently described in his book, Dolores Claiborne, “depressingly masculine world.”

And it is.

Men may think they move the world. They don’t. They react to it. And hell, maybe they create the policies that we suffer under, but make no mistake. Men may have built the towers that sit against the sunset and sometimes fall, but women built the foundations that will last for eons and will always be rebuilt from male ignorance.

I am proud to be a trans woman. I am proud to strive to be an equal to these amazing women who have suffered for a better future.

I am proud to be a woman.


–Abigail Christine Paden

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