My Journal – 5/31/2016


I think my male friends are finally having issues with this. It is natural and overdue. It is expected.

I wish I had the words to comfort them. I wish I had the explanations of what this means to me. I wish I had the wherewithal to convey to them I am truly happy. I wish, sometimes, I could take it all back just to make them feel better.

It would prolong the lie. And how would that serve friendship? It wouldn’t. I love them all very deeply. I can’t lie to them, or anyone else, anymore.

I love who I am. Finally. I don’t think I am perfect by any means. Far from it. I am a road map of contradictions. But, I now know the route. It is enough that only I know that right now. Others will follow, I am sure. But, right now, I know where the X is.

I keep reading articles about how I am going to hell, or that I am an abomination, or that I am the reason for 9/11. I try not to pay attention to it. After a while, it gets under my skin. What am I doing that is so wrong?

I think that the right believes that people like me have an agenda to destroy America. Well, if they represent America, then they are correct. Let’s face it, though. They don’t. We are the most diverse country in the world. But, if I am being honest (once again), I have to admit this: transgender men and women like me do have an agenda. Come close and listen to this. It is juicy.

You ready? Okay, here it is.

We are trying to get through this life in one piece.

Oh my God, I spilled it. I let loose the Kraken. Now you know what us ‘deviants’ are up to. We’ve all made this assumption that we have these things called rights that allow use to walk down the street without being killed. We’ve all been naive in thinking that urinating at work is something that was bestowed upon all human beings. We were guilty in our thinking that living and breathing in our own skin was not punishable by death.

Sorry, rant over. Sick of idiots.

Back to my friends. I love them all very much. I know they all care about me, which is why I give them a break when it comes to all of this. I think us T-Girls and Boys forget that other people have feelings and preconceived notions that a slogan or chant won’t immediately quell.

Transfolk are bearing the lion’s share of hate right now, but our friends and family are also being asked to clean up the scraps.



One thought on “My Journal – 5/31/2016

  1. Hi Abby, I’ve come to the realization that I can’t look at the news, face book, internet and all that stuff. It makes me sick and sad. I have to keep up with it but I don’t try to live it. I know your feelings we all have them. Family and friends who either do or do not understand. That’s hard enough as it is. Then add the idiots, who think we are the reason for things, remember they need to look in the mirror to find the real trouble. Hope you have a good day today. Smile, it’s going to be wonderful. 🙂

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